The Girls

I’ve never conquered the bra thing. My girls either droop or are up somewhere around my neck. And my bra hurts. Plastic rods poke my underarms and side seams cut into me. When I loosen the hooks in the back a notch, the girls plunge south. Not a good look.

So I bit the bullet and arranged for a professional bra fitting session.

Well!!!

My bra fitter was a youngish Austrian lady who looked sturdy enough to be herding goats across the Alps. And those goats would be very complilant, believe me.

She looked me over, walked around me, grabbed a bra from the rack and said, “Follow me.” Fraulien Fitter held the dressing room door open and asked if I preferred to be alone or should she come in. I demurred with a whispered, ‘ outside please.” She nodded. closed the door and I put the bra on. When I opened the door, she studied me.

“No, I don’t like it.” She was firm. Then she explained what constitues a proper fit. Fraulien Fitter was knowledgeable, efficient, and brisk. She knew her stuff.

OK

Off she went to return with a huge handful of bras. I closed the door and put the next one on. It was black and lacy and I sort of liked it. “Hmmmm. better but still not right.”

By the time we got to the third one, I abandoned all modesty and decorum and left the door open. My girls went public.

And so the bra fitting session continued with phrases like, “pour into it,” “not enough support,” “band doesn’t sit right.” The girls were looking more and more depleted between changes. Around the 6th one, the fitter said, “Not bad.” I looked into the mirror and saw two half grapefruits, but I wanted volcanoes. On to the next one.

On the 9th bra we found it. Fraulien Fitter beamed and my girls were standing proud and tall.

Whoopppeeee

Now, the price.

My financial portfolio is based on the cost of a cup of coffee in a cafe.

The price gag dangled in front of my eyes while I did some quick calculations.

14 cups of coffee.

Outrageous.

But…..

Another quick look in the mirror and I sighed and dug out my credit card.

Done!!

But I can’t help myself. Whenever I am shopping and I see another female, I study her bosom. Is her bra fitting properly? Not as good a the one Fraulien Fitter found for me, and I push my girls straight out and walk tall.